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Not really. Not for years. Sure, I used to be upset about his drinking and I used to get really upset about the gambling until he got control of the impulse. When I was 7 or so he started gambling with pennies and quarters rather than the larger sums of money he used to play with. I figured a playful pat on the rump here and there wasn’t such a bad price to pay for his relative control in the money department. Maybe I’m being too easy on myself. Maybe I'm painting him as a bigger monster than he really is. The petting didn’t start out of nowhere, after all, but it did start small. When my body started to develop beyond the body of a child, around 12, he would call attention to it in front of his friends at the Saturday poker game at our house. “Hey Johnny,” or Billy, or Tommy, or Shane, whoever the the card player sitting next to him was. He’d take a long pull on his beer and say, “Look at this.” He’d grab me around the waist and turn my backside to his neighbor. He would run his. I bet you would've begged them to let you." Yes sir," I agreed, thinking back to how desperate I'd felt with their eyes on me."If I wanted to I could use you as a whore. I could let any man who wanted to pay me to use your holes." Yes sir," I said, holding myself back from admitting to him how much I would love it if he did just that (though I had a feeling he knew even without me saying it)."I would lead you around on a leash, dressed just like this, and tell any man who said anything to us that they could use you for cheap. I would watch to make sure you did a very good job pleasing them. And afterwards I'd make you thank them for using you." Oh god that would feel so good, sir!" I exclaimed, unable to avoid admitting how much I would love it any longer."I know it would, because I know what a slut you are. And if I hadn't already you would've very much proven it today." Yes sir."His hand was suddenly still. I was both relieved and disappointed to not feel the blows anymore, but I.
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